Funny Status Ideas

More Americans have been married to Kim Kardashian than have died from Ebola.

Watching CSPAN is a lot like watching security camera footage from Mens Warehouse.

I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant.

What do 95% of men do after an orgasm? Delete their browser history.

My friend told me all women are the same, I told him that was a broad generalization.

I haven't slept for three days, because that would be too long