Funny Status Ideas

My mom bought way too much candy this year since hardly any trick or treaters came to the house. I have boatloads of candy. If anybody wants some, message me so that I can tell you to f*&% off because it's all mine!

And all this time I thought Ariana Grande was a drink at Starbucks.

I once dated a girl that was so bipolar that her mood ring acted like a strobe light.

What do Eskimo's get from sitting on a block of ice? Polaroids.

In the interest of fighting the childhood obesity epidemic, I've decided to eat all of the Halloween candy that I bought.

I need to get my birthday suit taken in.

Did you know a large group of baboons is called a Congress? Explains a lot doesn't it?