Funny Status Ideas

My brain has too many tabs open

There's a lot of talk about voting today. Is American Idol back on or something?

If you need a celebrity to tell you to vote, you probably shouldn’t vote.

I don’t know, Jay-Z. If I was worth half a billion dollars, I’d have like 3 problems. Max.

The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won’t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5.

Just replied to an ad by a young woman looking for a co sleeper. Wow was I way off on what I thought she wanted.

Nothing says "I’ve already given up on this day" quite like a Taco Bell breakfast.