Funny Status Ideas

Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you

With all the horrors and tragedies in the US it's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground...

My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him, next time, don't leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.

Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner. We actually talked to each other. It was awful.

Alright, I admit it. Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.

My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.

I don't have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.