Funny Status Ideas

My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him, next time, don't leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.

Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner. We actually talked to each other. It was awful.

Alright, I admit it. Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.

My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.

I don't have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.

Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.

If you own a podium and put up a sign that says "valet" on it, can you just steal cars?