Funny Status Ideas

69% of people find something dirty in everything they read.

Never trust a girl who doesn't fart. You never know what else she's holding back from you.

My doctor told me I was actually shrinking. I said tell me what that means. He said I'd have to be a little patient.

If you robbed a kissing booth you'd make out like a bandit

I mostly use Facebook to remember why I stopped hanging out with certain people.

Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you

With all the horrors and tragedies in the US it's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground...