Funny Status Ideas

Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."

Black Friday is starting to turn into Black Thursday...

I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won’t have to talk to them.

I woke up screaming this morning. Then I had to apologize to everyone in the staff meeting.

Sorry. I'm just now seeing your text from last night. Do you still need that EpiPen?

You can tell a lot about a woman's mood by her hands. For instance, if they are holding a gun she's probably angry.

Bacon: low-carb and gluten-free. I think I just found the staple to my next diet.