Funny Status Ideas

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Life is a marathon. That's why I'm carb loading.

I wish I budgeted with my whole paycheck as well as I do with the last fifty bucks of it.

It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home.

A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.

This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.

I could be a morning person if morning happened after 11.