Funny Status Ideas

There’s a thin line between “I should post that to Facebook” and “I should talk to a therapist about that.

I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.

Laughter is the best medicine (that my insurance is willing to cover)

Kids have so many food allergies these days. In 15 years you’ll be able to rob a bank with a bag of peanuts

Carpe Scrotum (grab life by the balls)

You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.

Someone should invent a clear toaster so we can see how toasted our toast is while it's toasting.