Funny Status Ideas

For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
I listen to the first 30 seconds of an accidental butt dial like I'm in an FBI surveillance van.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
The holiday season is a time for family…but let’s try to enjoy it anyway.
I wish the "Do not ask me again" option existed in real life.
I didn’t give you the finger. You earned it.
Is it hibernation time yet?
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