Funny Status Ideas

If the voices in my head had a British accent I would listen to them more often.

I see subway employees are still having their “how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich” contest.

Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.

My town is so boring that when I googled things to do a car rental company came up first.

How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?

It may be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I’m considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning.

This year, I’m gonna put mistletoe on my ass and let everyone just figure it out.