Funny Status Ideas

I’ve robbed banks before and they’re never getting their pens back.

I’m still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.

I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.

Apparently, the average person looks at their phone 150 times a day. Not me. I look at it just once. For about 12 hours

I wonder if my dog always follows me into the bathroom when I have to go potty because I always follow him outside when he does and he just thinks that’s how it works

Dear Santa, before I try to explain...just how much do you already know?

I’m what you would call “indoorsy”