Funny Status Ideas

I just realized I’ll never be a Lawyer because I can’t pass a bar.

Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it's not their own.

Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.

So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I'd say it's been a success.

The problem with reading a good book is that you want to finish the book but you don’t want to finish the book.

I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.

Costco: The most expensive place in the world to save money.