Funny Status Ideas

I would pick up a hitchhiker wearing an “I Heart Murder” t-shirt before I’d pick up a call from a blocked number.

I told Santa what I wanted for Christmas and he washed my mouth out with soap.

Hangovers are nature's way of grounding you as an adult.

One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you're toast.

My alarm clock stopped working, so I'll be setting the microwave for 8 hours while I sleep on the kitchen floor.

Tequila probably won’t fix your problems, but it’s worth a shot.

If I could get a firm grip on reality...I'd probably choke it.