Funny Status Ideas

I always thought putting your finger on someone's lips and saying "Shhhhhh... Not another word" was super-romantic; apparently the judge didn't think so.

I wish my car had two horns. One for “thank you” and one for “I hate you”

The bottle of Pepto Bismol say’s 4 out of every 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one of them enjoys it?

The prosecutor calls it “peeping tom”. My defense lawyer calls it a “highly active member of the neighborhood watch.”

My mother always told me as a child that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now as an adult I’m facing sexual harassment charges. Gee, Thanks mom!

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.

I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.