Funny Status Ideas

I will be mailing out a W-2 on January 5th for everyone who was up in my business this year.

Me: I can do whatever I want through Christ who strengthens me Attorney: ok but again, as your lawyer I strongly advise you to not say that in court

Florida is just a humid Walmart

A friend lost two fingers in saw accident. He asked the surgeon if he would be able to write with that hand. Surgeon replied: Maybe, but I wouldn’t count on it.

Walmart is giving away free school clothes to anyone that can outrun security.

I weigh myself fully naked. If you don’t like it you can go to a different Publix.

Monsters don’t eat ghost because they taste like sheet.