Funny Status Ideas

I don’t like the idea of bacteria in my yogurt so I mix it with hand sanitizer. It cuts down on the taste, but I sleep better at night

We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.

What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?

It's impossible to get a parking ticket if you don't have windshield wipers.

I saw a man get his watch stolen rite from under his nose. What a strange place to keep a watch.

Some day I wanna be "change my oil every 3000 miles" rich!

My New Year's resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.