Funny Status Ideas

I was feeling pretty good about myself today at the gym as I caught a few folks glancing my way, I thought, even though I’m pushing 40 I can still turn a few heads....but then I realized they were mostly just trying to see where the smell is coming from.

I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so I’m just going to sit here until that feeling passes.

On the whole, human beings want to be good, but not too good and not all the time.

Question: What is the fear of chainsaws called? Answer: Common sense

I felt a little embarrassed last night when the woman I was dancing behind bent over so I could grind, but then I realized she had just dropped her credit card, and that nobody else in the check out line at Wal-Mart could hear my iPod but me...

My wife needs to have a kidney transplant and I'm afraid she'll reject it. After all, she's been rejecting my organ for the last ten years.

Cars need “sorry” lights people can activate when they do something stupid.