Funny Status Ideas

Why won't cannibals eat divorcees? Way too bitter.

Do receptionists at sperm banks ever say "Thanks for coming"?

I named my car "flattery" because it gets me no where.

I lost my dog yesterday, i want to put up some ads and flyers but he cant even read!

I was visited by a jolly fat guy over the holidays with a bag over his shoulder, no not Santa, my brother came home from college with his laundry

Calm down, different flavored Oreos. Nobody wants to make that kind of decision. Regular or Double stuff was hard enough.

I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.