Funny Status Ideas

I’m going to retire and live off my life savings. What I’ll do the second week, I have no idea.

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up!

I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.

Kids today are so coddled - Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved.

Relationship goals: a relationship

I wonder if Alex Trebek’s tombstone will say ‘Who was the host of Jeopardy?’

Why does tasty mean that a thing tastes good and smelly mean that a thing smells bad?