Funny Status Ideas

Had a bad mix-up at the store today. When the cashier said strip down facing me, apparently she was referring to my credit card!

Everyone is telling me to follow my dreams!! So I went back to bed!

The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off

If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.

Well after 6 months of my girlfriend nagging, I finally did it, I lost 120lbs. I'm sure gonna miss her.

Damn girl are you a Prius because you’re giving me no sounds or indications that you’re turned on right now.

Hello and welcome to DeVry orientation. Sign-in sheets are on the left, Steve is passing out your diplomas, thanks & congrats class of 1:47