Funny Status Ideas

I DON’T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON-Never mind, I found it.

99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%

I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away

I saw a car with a New England Patriots sticker driving in front of me. I was tempted to follow and deflate the tires.

There’s so many people I’d love to get the silent treatment from

Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.

If you don’t leave a buffet looking like someone told you bad news you didn’t get your money’s worth.