Funny Status Ideas

I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away

I saw a car with a New England Patriots sticker driving in front of me. I was tempted to follow and deflate the tires.

There’s so many people I’d love to get the silent treatment from

Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.

If you don’t leave a buffet looking like someone told you bad news you didn’t get your money’s worth.

I broke a mirror now I'm looking at 7 years bad luck... but my lawyer thinks he can get me off with 3

If there’s one piece of advice I can give you it’s to marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they wont eat all of yours.