Funny Status Ideas

I once overdosed on Viagra. My wife took it really hard.

What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.

The Bachelor is the show that answers the question "How much wine do you have to drink until the guy making out with twenty different women seems like he'd make a good husband?"

Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery. The odds are about the same.

Realizing his terrible mistake, Judas bitterly hurled his half-eaten Klondike bar into the sea.

I got really drunk and had unprotected sex with the cashier at 7-Eleven last night. I Hope I don't catch Slurpees.

I went to Big Lots with a $100 gift card. They just handed me the keys to the store.