Funny Status Ideas

I used to wonder what it was like to read people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account and I got over it

How many calories are in 4 boxes of Girl Scout cookies? Asking for a friend.

For Valentine's Day pizza is getting me an extra ten pounds. Can't wait

Political debates are great if you want to watch idiots talk to us like idiots to prove that the idiot next to them is a bigger idiot.

Why would saying "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" loudly make you sound precocious?

Sorry, trees, but I grab 15 extra napkins I don’t actually need every single time I eat out anywhere.

Me: Dad, I'm gay. Dad: What? I can't believe I'm just finding out now! Me: I know. I just found out too. Someone on the internet told me.