Funny Status Ideas

For Valentine's Day pizza is getting me an extra ten pounds. Can't wait

Political debates are great if you want to watch idiots talk to us like idiots to prove that the idiot next to them is a bigger idiot.

Why would saying "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" loudly make you sound precocious?

Sorry, trees, but I grab 15 extra napkins I don’t actually need every single time I eat out anywhere.

Me: Dad, I'm gay. Dad: What? I can't believe I'm just finding out now! Me: I know. I just found out too. Someone on the internet told me.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.

There's always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.