Funny Status Ideas

The only exercise I get is in futility.

Don't worry about old age, it doesn't last that long.

Since Brian Williams has his own version of the news, he should take over for Jon Stewart on "The Daily Show."

Apparently it's ok to leash your dog to a bike rack, but it's illegal to leash your kid to one. Parenting is hard...

I'm going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he's dressed. He was asking for it!"

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.

I wonder if I'd love my step ladder more if it were my real ladder.