Funny Status Ideas

I accidentally typed my symptoms into IMDB instead of WebMD and it told me I have Gary Busey.

The only math I’m good at is adding insult to injury.

Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.

It must suck when billionaires wake up feeling like a million bucks.

I bet wrecking ball operators are some of the happiest people in the world.

Stalking is such a strong word. Let’s call it...social investigating.

I just had a new winch installed on my boat. Ship just got reel.