Funny Status Ideas

Do I really need a hypnotist? I'm open to suggestions.

I never thought I’d reach a point in my life where my hands have consumed more alcohol than my mouth.

With the way 2020 has been going I couldn't decide last night if I wanted to sit outside to watch the meteorite shower or take cover.

Saw a clown this morning. He greeted me with a good morning. That was a nice jester

My five year plan is to make it through this year.

I apologize for the coin shortage. I started a swear jar......

‪I’m glad this pandemic didn’t affect me financially. I was already broke.