Funny Status Ideas

They say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Well, nothing has killed me yet, and I can still barely open a jar of olives.

I don't get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn't it already cracked to begin with?

So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.

Does the 5 second rule apply to soup? Please answer quickly!

What idiot decided to call them marijuana dispensaries and not grass stations?

The inventor of throat lozenges has died. There'll be no coffin at his funeral.

I'm feeling about as useful as a stoplight in Grand Theft Auto.