Funny Status Ideas

Ever talk to someone so stupid that you can hear them misspelling words?

You can’t make everyone happy. Unless you’re a jar of Nutella. Then you probably can.

You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?

Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"

Banning us to the couch is not as bad as you believe it is ladies. It makes us feel manly. Like we’re camping. With an angry bear close by.

They say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Well, nothing has killed me yet, and I can still barely open a jar of olives.

I don't get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn't it already cracked to begin with?