Funny Status Ideas

I'm still a bit shaken up. I was involved in a violent mugging this afternoon. On the plus side I did make $23 and I think the watch looks really good on me.

Don't be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.

I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn’t even eat them?

I don’t have a problem with friends who ask to borrow money. I love a good laugh as much as the next guy.

Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them much more often

Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with “According to the prophecy.

Apparently, the average person looks at their phone 150 times a day. Not me. I look at it just once. For about 12 hours.