Funny Status Ideas

I bet giraffes never get stuck smelling their own farts.

I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks

Batman's parents got killed when he was lil Wayne.

I'm not lazy, I'm in energy saving mode.

What I hate most about Twitter, is finishing a good tweet, having -1 characters left, and then having to decide which grammar crime to commi

Why don’t the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' enemies just flip them on their backs?

I got married so that I can be auto-corrected even when my phone is off.