Funny Status Ideas

It’s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitoes!

I can confirm that crying is an actual step in the process of doing math

It’s shocking that Starbucks hasn’t added “IV bag” to the list of sizes

I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.

I never realize how much I swear until I’m in a situation where I can’t

My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh

My friend asked me why scuba divers always fall backwards into the water. I told him if they fell forwards they would still be in the boat