Funny Status Ideas

If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote.

I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.

The expiration date on this bottle of vodka is one hour from now.

I hate it when people call dogs “stupid”. I mean, when was the last time you saw a dog step in human poo?

“Erectile Dysfunction” is such a harsh term. Why not just call it “Sleepy Peepee?”

It’s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitoes!

I can confirm that crying is an actual step in the process of doing math