Funny Status Ideas

I've dieted and worked out enough to realize that the only way I'm getting smokin' hot is by getting cremated.

It's impossible to tip-toe around without activating your T-Rex arms.

You can see my left over Scrabble tiles IDGAF.

Technology is getting crazy. Apple has now taken the clock on my phone and put it on my wrist with a band! I bet 50 years ago they never would of thought that was possible!

You can say whatever you like about Kleptomaniacs. They can take it.

In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.

How is it that people like Hitler can find their soul mate, and I can't even find that last bag of potato chips in the cabinet?