Funny Status Ideas

My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately

The coolest tourist attraction in the world is the Sistine Chapel, because it's full of ceiling fans.

Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.

Farted on the bus today and 4 people turned around. Felt like I was on The Voice.

If your kids didn't like hunting for eggs they wouldn't be here.

Men look at a woman’s behind and think “Wow! What an ass.” Women look at a man’s face and think the very same thing.

Sorry to break this to you, but there's no future in time travel.