Funny Status Ideas

What’s my type? Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait I’m describing my bed again.

Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.

How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?

Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, “I like where I wake up to always be a surprise.”

If my plants screamed for food and water like my dog does, maybe they wouldn't die.

“truth or dare” “Dare” “Order us pizza”

I used to be addicted to working out. 10 years sober though!