Funny Status Ideas

Alicia Keys' "girl on fire" would make an awesome Vagisil commercial.

"I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon".

If you can't say something nice about someone, you probably work at the same place I do.

Drinking water through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

One of the guys I work with overdosed on Viagra. His wife's been taking it pretty hard.

I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out

Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I’m the proud owner of aisle 7.