Funny Status Ideas

Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.

My cheat day is tomorrow so I'm considering just going to bed now at 4pm

My wife and I found each other on a dating website, 3 years after we got married... That was awkward.

Marriage is like the IKEA of relationships. Easy to walk into, confusing to piece together and difficult to exit.

I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.

Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door

Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.