Funny Status Ideas

If you can't say something nice about someone, you probably work at the same place I do.

Drinking water through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

One of the guys I work with overdosed on Viagra. His wife's been taking it pretty hard.

I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out

Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I’m the proud owner of aisle 7.

My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately

The coolest tourist attraction in the world is the Sistine Chapel, because it's full of ceiling fans.