Funny Status Ideas

I used to think I was a man of vision. Now i'm pretty sure they're hallucinations.

Some guy is so intent on spoiling Game of Thrones that he actually wrote a series of novels just to tell you what was gonna happen!

I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...

I like wearing glasses because I like to dramatically remove them before I say something profound. Doing that with contacts doesn't have the same effect.

My wife, like many women, looks for security in a man. In fact the first thing she said when I first approached her was, "Security!"

Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.

My cheat day is tomorrow so I'm considering just going to bed now at 4pm