Funny Status Ideas

I'd rather be someone's shot of whiskey than everyone's cup of tea.

Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets

Do the people inside mascot costumes also smile when they have their photos taken?

I’m pretty sure my dogs only sit in the window and watch me leave so they know when it is safe to sit on the couch.

My least favorite part of working customer service is "customer."

Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.

Getting back with an ex is like using the same piece of toilet paper twice...