Funny Status Ideas

Ironically the only way I'd watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.

I do all of my ironing in the dryer.

If we're in a situation where I am the "voice of reason," then we are in a very very bad situation.

If I were a witch, most of my magic would revolve around making food appear with my wand and disappear with my mouth.

Cereal is the sweatpants of food.

"Teeter Totter" is the silliest name for toddler catapults.

My electric toothbrush is broken so now I have to use my acoustic one.