Funny Status Ideas

I get so confused when I'm about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?

Going back onto work for the first time after vacation is like running into someone you once knew who you never really liked anyway.

I can't imagine a better slogan for a glasses company than, "Buy our glasses if you ever want to see your children again."

There should be a calorie refund for things that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

To all you guys who call me boring, at least the police say I'm "a person of interest".

On a scale of 1 to Nature Valley granola bar, how much is your life falling apart?

Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.