Funny Status Ideas

Feels like the whole country is on Maury waiting to find out who’s the father.

The average Apple employee works 6 hours a day longer than an Apple battery.

It's great to hear from an old friend you haven't spoken to in a while...if only to remind yourself why you don't talk to them.

Anyone else feel like Halloween is unnecessary this year? I mean I’ve been wearing a mask and eating candy for the last seven months. I don’t think I need a day dedicated to it anymore.

Since drinking hasn’t killed me yet, I can only assume it’s making me stronger...

I am having a weird day, first I found a hat full of money, then I got chased by a guy with a guitar.

A tub of margarine fell on my foot 3 weeks ago and it still hurts. I can’t believe it’s not better.