Funny Status Ideas

The NAACP: Now with no artificial colors.

The time when I look the most homeless is when I’m in my home.

My grandpa has Alzheimer's, so I just keep telling him he owes me twenty bucks.

If you can't handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that's all there is to me.

Buying my wife a matching belt and bag for her birthday. We'll have that vacuum cleaner working in no time.

Women always complain that "all men are dogs", but what they fail to realize is that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.

My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.