Funny Status Ideas

I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.

What I miss most from childhood? Teleportation. Many times I have crashed on the couch and ended up in bed. Sadly, does not work anymore.

It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.

Everybody wants to shine, but no one wants to polish.

McDonald’s should do an Adult Happy Meal that’s just wine and cookies.

Taking your pants off is a good way to let someone know you feel comfortable in their home.

If someone says they’re gonna open up a can of whoop ass, that means someone out there is canning whoop ass…I’d be more afraid of that second guy.