Funny Status Ideas

I need something that’s more than coffee but less than cocaine.

My doctor says I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Eve.

I'm going to open a restaurant called "Peace and Quiet" where kids meals cost $150.

I wonder if spiders get as pissed off as I do when I walk through their webs.

Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for most of you.

Say what you will about Kristen Stewart's acting abilities, but I'm willing to bet she'd kick some serious ass in a poker game.

It's funny how this guy grating cheese over my pasta thinks I'm going to say stop.