Funny Status Ideas

I used to be a man trapped inside a woman's body. And things got even more complicated after I was born.

Dogs are God's way of apologizing for your relatives.

How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?

I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.

I really like this new reality show "Neighbor Without Drapes"

The local Goodwill store is advertising on their sign, "All shirts $1.39". So I pulled up in my rented U-Haul, walked in with $1.39 plus tax and asked the clerk where the shirts were located. Apparently the sign was a bit unclear...

If someone shouts "GET DOWN" or "PUT YOUR HANDS UP", you're about to have a great time, or a really bad one.