Funny Status Ideas

[inventor of teapot] “I want this water to scream."

What do you call a hen who can count her own eggs? A mathemachicken

I misplaced my pizza cutter, so I used my Bryan Adams CD. It cuts like a knife

I am forever disappointed that Chef Bobby Flay didn't name his daughter Sue.

2020 is what happens when you mix your Tarot deck with Cards Against Humanity

I could be wrong, but I think the only way Trump is going to get to 270 is by losing about 50 pounds

If your election lasts more than 48 hours, seek medical attention