Funny Status Ideas

The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.

I must be getting older because, as I was plugging my phone into the charger, I didn't IMMEDIATELY think about sex.

Before I got married I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge

Has anybody ever actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people just trying to stop me from living my life?

I bet giraffes don't even know what farts smell like.

The scroll to find my birth year on websites is getting uncomfortably long.

I bet you $567.89 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.