Funny Status Ideas

I've burned my mouth while eating a slice of pizza so, yes, I do know what it's like when a loved one betrays you.

Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.

The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.

Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.

I either read for 14 hours straight or don't read for 5 months. There is no in between.

Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800's isn't a selling point. Slavery existed then too...

I'm not saying I hate you, but I'd unplug your life support to charge my phone.