Funny Status Ideas

The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.

If a Burger King married a Dairy Queen, they would probably live in a White Castle.

I'll call it a smartphone the day I yell "Where's my phone?" and it yells "Down here! In the couch cushions!"

Microsoft is considering funding Uber. Just what we need, cabs with windows

I always wonder if the people sitting near me at church every Sunday are unsettled by the fact that I take my communion like a shot of cheap vodka because I'm still in a party mode from Saturday night.

My life is so dull and boring, when my identity was stolen...it was returned back to me!

Rabbits always seem to be running or still as a statue. You never see a rabbit casually strolling.