Funny Status Ideas

I want my children to be independent headstrong people. Just not while I'm raising them.

If we elect Donald Trump president, there will be hell toupee.

Sometimes I just want to go where all the missing socks go.

Fish out of water is a strange phrase because it's almost never used to describe someone dying.

Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.

I just want to find that special somebody to stare at my phone with.

Sometimes the best thing about not caring, is knowing that the people who are angry with you are having a far worse day than you are.